Unmasking Ourselves: Navigating Identity and Emotions
On our journey to self-awareness, we observe the "outfits" we wear in different aspects of our lives. We learn how to shift our emotional states and personas for a more authentic and empowered self.
As part of our ongoing series, "The Hero’s Journey from Trauma to Freedom," this exploration of our identity wardrobes brings us closer to true self-care. Just as a hero discovers different aspects of their strength and resilience, recognizing and embracing the various facets of our identity is crucial in our path to healing. By understanding and choosing our "outfits" with intention, we empower ourselves to move closer to freedom and authenticity.
Ever found yourself obsessively checking your phone for likes on your latest post? Or felt a surge of pride when someone praised your work? I've been there too. I used to live for those moments of external validation.
Growing up as a third culture kid, I learned early on how to adapt. With parents from different countries, born in a place different from both of them, and having lived in six countries across five continents by the age of 11, I became a pro at adjusting my "wardrobe" to fit new cultures. Each move meant integrating new "outfits" into my identity closet.
This ability to adapt served me well, but it also made me hyper-aware of how others perceived me. I started to see my identity as a collection of outfits, each carefully chosen for different situations. There was the "professional" suit for work, the "family member" sweater for home, and the "social media influencer" t-shirt for online spaces.
Over time, I realized that many of us engage in similar behavior. We're living in an age where being "seen" is just a post away. It's like we're all curators of our personal brand, constantly showcasing our best selves. And while there's nothing inherently wrong with that, it can lead to challenges if we're not careful.
Here's what I've learned: Our ego acts like a personal stylist, always ready with suggestions on what identity to wear. Sometimes, we get so attached to one outfit—maybe it's the "successful author" blazer or the "fitness guru" tank top—that we wear it everywhere, even when it doesn't quite fit the occasion.
But here's the thing: we don't need to throw out our entire wardrobe. Instead, we can start by simply noticing our stylist's choices.
Why do we reach for that particular outfit so often? What underlying belief drives this choice, and how did we acquire it?
When we catch ourselves wearing our "people-pleaser" shoes again, those shoes that help us walk on eggshells, we can gently ask, "What if we tried something different today?"
This isn't about judging our choices or pretending these different versions of ourselves don't exist. It's about working with our inner stylist to create a more flexible, authentic self. It's like saying, "Hey ego, I appreciate your input, but let's explore some other options in our closet."
As I've practiced this, I've found myself moving through life—both online and offline—with more awareness. I'm not just automatically reaching for the outfit that gets the most compliments. Instead, I'm choosing what truly feels right for me in each moment.
This approach aligns with David Hawkins' Map of Consciousness, which illustrates the spectrum of human emotions and states of being, ranging from shame and guilt to love and peace.
What emotional outfit are you wearing right now? What underlying trigger prompted this emotional pattern or reaction to show up?
Just as with our persona outfits, we can observe which emotional outfit we’re wearing. By becoming aware of it, we can gently choose to put it away and upgrade to a lighter and more empowering outfit.
By embracing all these different outfits as part of our complex, wonderful selves, we're no longer hiding behind masks. We're showcasing different facets of who we are. And it's liberating. It changes how we see ourselves and how we connect with others.
This is not about becoming someone new—it's about rediscovering all the amazing parts of ourselves that have always been there. Maybe it's time we all take a look in our identity closets — who knows what forgotten treasures we might find?
Keep in mind the fundamental attribution error—the tendency to overemphasize personal characteristics and ignore situational factors when judging others. In our journey of self-discovery, we extend the same understanding to others, recognizing that their "outfits" and personas are influenced by complex, unseen factors. This empathy fosters deeper connections and a more compassionate view of the many ways we all express our identities.
Alex, I really liked your idea of thinking about this as a "wardrobe." It feels much better than using words such as "masks." After all, it's okay to have a wardrobe, and to have different styles of clothing, especially when we become conscious about what we choose to wear in what situation. Thanks for sharing this!