My Journey from Conformity to Conscious Living

Breaking free from societal expectations to seek a more authentic and conscious way of living — these are some challenges and revelations encountered while transitioning to more meaningful structures

Imagine a life where every step and decision is dictated by societal expectations. That was my reality, shaped by a multicultural upbringing, rigorous education, and a career on a predetermined path.

I was born in Paris to a Finnish mother and a Brazilian diplomat father, and by age twelve, I had lived in six countries across five continents. My upbringing was a kaleidoscope of cultures, languages, and perspectives. I quickly learned to adapt, immersing myself in new ways of living—from the rhythms of music to the flavors of food to the indoctrinations of education. I had learned 7 languages fluently by the age of 12, and added another one in my late teens.

My religious journey was equally eclectic. Catholicism and Lutheranism influenced my early years, but I found a fascination with Buddhism through Alan Watts's writings. At the same time, my education was deeply rooted in the rational and Cartesian traditions of the French school system. My father’s diplomatic career instilled a respect for conventions and a measured approach to life. Charisma, smoke, and mirrors.

Following this path, I attended a prestigious business school, which paved the way for a three-decade corporate career. I also experienced a conventional marriage and divorce, all within the framework of societal expectations. I was programmed to thrive in what many call "the matrix"—a system designed to maintain order and predictability

Yet, this structured existence often felt like a gilded cage. Despite my outward success, I yearned for something more meaningful. The turning point came several years ago when I began to question the very foundations of my life and the systems that had shaped me. I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, peeling back layers of conditioning and exploring new philosophies and spiritual practices.

Through deep introspection, I realized that true freedom and fulfillment come from within, not from external achievements or societal approval. This profound shift continues to guide my journey as I strive to break free from the so-called ‘matrix’ and embrace a more authentic, conscious way of living.

Tonight brought a moment of clarity amidst months of turmoil following a brutal transition.

This ‘tower-ish’ moment forced me to confront my shadows—self-doubt, self-worth, and my persistent inner critic — like three amigos. Alongside this introspective journey, I made a conscious effort to reconnect with friends and acquaintances, seeking their warmth and grounding presence.

This evening, I met an old business associate. Despite his egocentric traits, he has a good heart and a generous spirit, aware and grateful for his good fortune. His friendliness is genuine, and he acknowledges the virtuous cycle of his success. He reflects my former self, and I love him like a brother.

As we interacted, I felt myself being drawn back into the matrix—a world where appearances, attitudes, and social codes are paramount. Here, relationships, professional identities, and the ability to project charisma and competence are crucial. It's a structured environment that reinforces and rewards conformity.

This alternative consciousness I have experienced, though growing in the world, is not yet structured to support its members as the predominant matrix does.

Tonight's interactions highlighted this disparity. The matrix, despite its flaws, offers a clear, reinforced pathway for those within it. Game B, still in its early stages, lacks the economic inter-support and value creation mechanisms integral to the matrix's structure. This realization underscores the challenges faced by those seeking to build a new way of living outside conventional systems.

There is a clear, growing, collective vision and yearning for a better, more regenerative, and sustainable world.

However, to truly thrive, we must do more than create and perpetuate healing modalities. We must develop intentional structures and processes that support each other, building infrastructure and community that sustain livelihoods and foster genuine interconnected relationships and community.